Overwhelmed Yet? Crap You Don’t Know When You Get Engaged
Congratulations!! You got engaged!
It’s such an exciting time in your life, and I’m sure that you’re spending an inordinate amount of time with a big, goofy grin on your face. But the hard truth, friend, is that (if it hasn’t already), that feeling might wear off, as soon as your future mother-in-law pipes up about the importance of having fruitcake at the wedding, or once you get a quote from a caterer and contemplate selling your firstborn to pay for the reception.
My goal here is definitely not to rain on your parade, but just to give you the awareness and the tools you need to navigate some of the pitfalls of this time in your life that nobody really talks about.
People will have opinions. Strong opinions. If you find that your parents, future in-laws, siblings, or even your friends are putting pressure on you to do things their way, try to nip it in the bud as soon as possible. Of course, you may need to give some latitude to anyone who’s footing a large part of the bill, but having honest conversations about the things that matter to you early in the process (and conceding on those issues that really aren’t incredibly important to you) will set you up for success as the big day gets closer. If letting your sister wear her Doc Martens down the aisle means that your mom will stop pushing you to have yellow bridesmaids’ dresses, it might be a concession that’s worth it.
You and your partner will likely disagree. Hopefully you’re both on the same page about absolutely everything, but in the event that you’re not, having honest conversations early on about your priorities will help you present a united front. Remember that this day is about both of you, and try to find ways to incorporate the things that are important to each of you individually, and as a couple. Touch base frequently throughout the process and make sure that your partner is still feeling comfortable, heard, and validated. After all, learning to compromise will likely save your marriage more times than you can count, so you might as well start now!
If you’re not careful, you will probably go over budget. Weddings are expensive. I can’t tell you how many of my couples cannot get their heads around the fact that a bunch of flowers that costs $29.99 at the grocery store turns into a $250 bridal bouquet once you use that ‘w’ word. (Before you send me hate mail, florist friends, I know that there’s an incredible amount of meeting time, floral prep, expensive blooms, and design hours that go into creating a bouquet, and now so does everyone else!). There are a few steps you can take to avoid re-mortgaging anything or having to sell a kidney, though. Setting up a realistic budget from the beginning and sticking to it (while understanding that it’s an organic document, and that if you splurge in one area, you’ll have to save in another) will stand you in good stead, as will setting priorities and learning to compromise.
It’s easy to get so involved in planning the wedding that you forget to plan the marriage. You may find that talk of the wedding dominates all your free time, and stress over the budget and the decisions you have to make starts to creep into your relationship. Luckily, if you’re intentional about spending quality time together and not talking about the wedding, you can continue to develop a strong relationship that will stand the test of time. So grab those hiking boots, make a reservation at a new restaurant, or pull out a mixology book and experiment with some new cocktails.
You shouldn’t just know how to plan a wedding. There are literally hundreds of teeny, tiny little details to take into account, pitfalls to plan for, and contingencies to combat. And you’ve likely never done this before! Give yourself the tools you need to keep your sanity while navigating the planning process, whether that means leaning on your bestie for support, finding free online resources (check out our YouTube channel for TONS of helpful videos!) or hiring a professional wedding planner to guide you through. Planning a wedding without a wedding planner is kind of like building a house without a contractor. You can do it, absolutely, but it’s a lot easier with a professional’s support, and the house (and the marriage) will likely be a lot stronger if you’ve built it on a strong foundation.
